Wicklow-centric Meaning of Liff definitions #14

Lackareagh (n.)

A profoundly anti-social bowel movement.

Wicklow-centric Meaning of Liff definitions #13

Doody's Bottoms (n.pl)

The breed of potato used to make the starchy and irresolute chips served in plastic punnets from mobile vans at sporting events and outside night clubs.

... a big bag of guns ...

Am I the only one that feels an increasing disconnection with society as I advance through middle age? I really feel we are handing the world over to the scum, and there's no diplomatic way back.

In fact, an increasing number of my coffee-break conversations are beginning with "If I ever find out I only have a few weeks to live, the first thing I'm going to do is buy a big fucking bag of guns ..."

Foolproof Internet Business Idea

I have a new startup business idea: I'm going to start an Internet swear-jar. I expect to be able to retire to a private island in about six weeks.

Improbable Google Searches

Things that have almost certainly never been typed into Google:

• adele nude
• tallafornia season 2
• brian kennedy girlfriend
• second hand Renault Mégane wanted

Brain Teaser

Here's a brain teaser I came up with:

Mike works for the marketing department of a software company.
His job is to come up with names for new products, and he has devised a formula for doing so.

For example, when the company developed a new Payroll System, Mike named it 'Ps'. When they announced their Customer Relationship Management and Bug Tracking Management System products, Mike named them 'Chromi' and 'Bratanmiksie' respectively.

The company is about to announce their new Online Payment Processing Gateway. What will Mike name it?

You get what you pay for.

My wife and I hired a child photographer the other week and, to be honest, I wish we hadn't bothered. He couldn't hold the camera steady, hardly knew how to use it and when I berated him for his lack of professionalism he started crying and kicked me in the shin. Little bastard.