His Mortifying Instruments

I recall the day my wife mistook my Tibetan Anus Flute for her Moroccan Nose Whistle. Easily done but not a mistake you're likely to make twice.

Wicklow-Centric Meaning of Liff definitions #25

Avoca (n.)

The melancholic realisation that the excitement of having taken delivery of a new gadget will evaporate before the day is out.

Wicklow-Centric Meaning of Liff definitions #23

Lachen (n.)

The unsettling superposition of familiarity and strangeness you experience when, after many years, you visit a city you used to live in.

Wicklow-Centric Meaning of Liff definitions #24

Umrygar (n.)

The patina of dust, food crumbs and cat hair on your laptop that you never notice until you're on public transport.

The Yeast of our Worries.

A wise man once said to me, "Mike, learn from other people's mistakes. For example - and you can have this one for free - if you're throwing a dinner party and you run out of gravy granules, do not, under any circumstances, be tempted to improvise with hot water and Marmite."

Independent Journalism

If you look past the torrent of ordure that flows from the sewer pipe of mainstream media, you will see a small but steady river of pure, unsullied truth - fed by the spring of independent journalism.

Smells like obscene spirit.

I just let a disturbing fart that smells like the men's jacks under Busaras used to smell back in the late 70s. Deeply concerning. I hope my bollocks doesn't start smelling like the Eblana theatre - or the crabs* start doing shite John B. Keane plays.

* I don't have crabs.